You know, Mike, even though you made your comment in jest, it's actually a pretty fascinating idea.
"And now we're gonna zap this one here's prostate to get a sample of his sperm. There it is, into the cup we go. We do this to all of the members of his family to observe subtle changes in the DNA over extended times. This will give us some idea of what the humans are evolving into."
"There it is, look at that freakish monstrocity. What we've done here is combined some of our own DNA with the human's to produce a wonderful new pet for you space kiddies watching the program. Humans play catch, wrestle, and they'll even try to communicate with you in their own vastly inferior though extremely cute way."
"And for you meat eaters out there, terrerstrial human brain makes a wonderful dish, whether baked, fried, boiled, or barbecued, and it even comes in its own ready-made bowl. We've got one here prepared for you already. Who wants to try a sample of this?"
"We stick this little tag in the human's nose so that we can find him easily next time we come back. This one's called Whitley Strieber. He writes these endearing documents called 'books' for his fellow humans to read. In fact, lots of our test subjects have written these. Here's a classic the humans call "The Holy Bible." Listen here, they call us God and say that we love, nurture, and watch over them all of their lives, and, get this, they even think that they are going to our planet after they die! It's a riot!"