Hey, Tyder, no, it's not old age, it's not your fault, you are experiencing a genuine reaction and it should be heeded. I in no way discount the possible existence of intelligent extraterrestrials, but the Drake equation won't get you there, that's for sure. If intelligent extraterrestrials exist and if we ever have "contact" with these anthropomorphized beings, it will not defy any beliefs of mine, or shake my belief in science or in any theological construct that I hold, but do heed that rationality within yourself. The feelings of malaise, of weariness, that beset your soul in your search for UFOs, are not to be dismissed.
Now, however, the following deep and insightful encouragements from your fellow searchers may cause you to not to heed my advice, old fellow, aged nearly to my six decades:
"Hang in there, Tyder."
"there are things flying in the skies"
"100% certainty that we are not the only sentient self-aware biological society"
"Drake equation"
the field of UFOs is "over 100 years old"
"you have climbed this far down the rabbit hole you may as well see what is around the next bend"
"there is a mission for those who would stay in this field, then let it be our duty"
"Like many here I have had unexplained sightings (ONE ONLY A FEW WEEKS AGO)" Capitals mine.
Now, you can put your faith in the above prescient comments and continue with Alice, encouraged by Charles Dodgson, motivated by John Tenniel's illustrations, even construct totemic representations to constantly remind you of your experience and of your feelings that yes, you want to know and you want them to return, or you can heed the voice within. And even I, for one, will remain curious as to just what does constitute the UFO phenomenon. I am indeed curious, but also reflect your increasing dubiousness and fatigue.
The ancient prophets of over 100 years plead with you, however, to abandon the voice within. Their venerated scriptures of these many decades call you. You want to believe. You want to embrace these occupants of these "things flying the skies," of these craft denoting the "unexplained sightings......one only a few weeks ago."
They implore you to do as they have done, substitute one "god," rooted in their perceived belief that scientists support it, of intelligent extraterrestrials, nay, vast civilizations and societies of intelligent anthropomorphized beings, for another which is a product of our own feeble and deluded minds, created for the exploitation of our own humanity, antithetical to science, and a delusion fictionalized over centuries.
What they worship, and implore you to return to, is, scientifically, statistically, anthropologically, technologically, culturally, historically, and on and on, well nigh impossible to rationally believe in, that evolution, science, technology, culture, history, and on and on, would/could even remotely duplicate what has happened on our planet. Now, other intelligent beings MAY, remotely, exist, but to anthropomorphize them, right down to their craft, to such an extreme, speaks to its very real and probable own roots in delusion, albeit "based" on personal experience ("one only a few weeks ago"), science, technology, biology, history, and on and on. Sorry, that sentence went on and on.
Now, indeed, we are getting someplace, in my opinion. Carl Jung, as we all know (and I've read everything by the guy, whom I hold in high esteem), wrote his Flying Saucers: A Modern Myth of Things Seen in the Skies. In fact, I just reread it a few days ago to refresh myself. Jung dances around and around their actual existence, as is his style in his writings, and this is a tribute to him, but constantly comes back to our own psyches, the very depth of our brains, and it's sometimes hard slogging, but it can be done, and analysis of ourselves is more at the root of the phenomenon, despite "hard radar" and "best cases." In fact, Jung is very clear.
I believe, and I have said in before on other threads, that what some people deny within themselves, what they well nigh hate within themselves, is acknowledgement of anything remotely smacking of what they can call religion. They project this onto others. They substitute one "god" which they think satisfies their rationality, for another they despise because it signifies to them weakness, in fact a form of dislike/hatred for the human they are.
I think this thing is precious, began tens and tens of thousands of years ago, in my opinion before the humans anthropologists formally denote as, per se, Homo Sapiens. Certainly we see this in very gorgeous and awe-inspiring artifacts and cave paintings, and the "trend" or evolution of this continues to this day. When the spark actually appeared, I don't presume to know. I have termed this long ago spark with my own convoluted and inadequate phrase: quasi/proto/primitive/remote/tiny/ and on and on. I think this spark has slowly grown over who knows how many, many years of evolution, and some people, and I don't presume to call myself one of them, have experienced this spark as a flame, and have been testaments to its evolution. I won't go any further on that.
But I think this little ember of long ago in our beginnings does not necessarily disappear in its proto/primitive/quasi form. The experiencers of phenomena we enjoy hearing about, listening to, ruminating over, etc., and, especially in my opinion present in so-called "alien abductions" for which sleep paralysis is even denied to the point of wishing for the "visitors" to return, is a from of this, yes, "religion." And I think a convenient refuge is taken in anthropomorphizing this reality to intelligent extraterrestrials, to the point of absurdity. Yes, if psychosis, as discussed on another thread, is the reason, end of matter. If sleep paralysis is the answer, end of matter. But if persistence in the hope that the visitors may return is exhibited, then I think religion, albeit hated within, in my opinion, is the answer.
So, keep on going down the rabbit hole. I think the rabbit hole is a good analogy, but remember that "the next bend" is right back to your own mind, and what's wrong with that? But don't think attributing the "unexplained sightings........one only a few weeks ago" to science, to rationality, removes you from that awful taint of that spark you may despise.
All tongue in cheek, of course. And the "you," Tyder, is oftentimes not meant specifically to YOU, but as the plural WE.
Kim
More than once actually. But, ufo doesn't mean nuts and bolts off planet. I just don't see the proof that we are being visited. But, I was in a little bit of a funk this AM so I'll keep searching the skies. 
