Why do people get Married?

[flipper]

Recently two friends of ours got married after living together after eleven years. It is his third marriage and her second. He has been dead set against getting remarried. I have decided that it is a true love story, because they must be truly in love to get remarried. Why do people get married after living together and having children? Why do gays and lesbians want the same marriage problems as heterosexuals? When I was a teenager we believed that marriage would be a bygone institution by the time we were twenty five, but it is not. This is in spite of the lack of social pressure, religion being a major influence and non married couples having the same legal rights as married couples.

 

[SRL+]

It is his third marriage and her second

If speaking to why two people are drawn toward one another, according to Jung, it could be considered as a type of seizure which overcomes one of the two. Sometimes taking hold and other times not, either ending in separation or divorce.

 

[DaveM]

Have you heard the saying, 'You can't live with them and you can't live without them.'

 

[Bob Watson]

For Rikki and I marriage was a expression of what already existed. She is my life. My bright and shinning star.

 

[Oakenwulf]

Think about the polygamists, 5 wives or 5 husbands wowee

 

[SheaOlmsford]

As a gay person, I can tell you that married couples in the USA have over 1000 benefits in taxes and social rewards that single people do not get. These same benefits are not given to Domestic Partnerships. I got married to a man because I love him with all my heart, body and soul. We also got married for the practical financial benefits that are shared by married heterosexual couples.

Do you really need to hear horror stories to understand?

How about the case of 2 men who lived together as lovers for 35 years but could not get married. When one became very ill and died, suddenly relatives came out of the woodwork and took everything that could not be traced to the survivor's ownership (sales receipts). When the partner was ill, the survivor had no right to visit him, so he died without saying goodbye to his lover of 35 years. He was also not allowed to go to the funeral held by the dead man's relatives. Because of their bigotry and hate, a 35 year relationship was made null and void. The dying man was not allowed to be comforted in the hospital by his partner, nor to say goodbye. The family even took the corpse back to the Midwest to be buried. The couple had lived 35 years in California. The dying man wanted to be cremated and have his surviving partner scatter the dust in their favorite spot along the ocean. This was ignored because the family would not give any respect to the "evil" relationship.

With marriage, none of this can happen. Heterosexual posters here can be flippant and humorous, but to gay people marriage is a GIGANTIC financial and social right that heterosexuals take for granted. There is nothing funny or flippant about it. Now, I am not going to argue with heterosexuals about how gay people do not need marriage. I don't need to read garbage like that. If YOU do not want to be married, fine. No one is forcing you. But don't you dare try and tell me that unmarried people have all the same financial rewards and rights as married people. That is a lie, plain and simple.

 

[Burnt State]

I think that marriage has lived so long in the hallowed halls of heterosexuality that we might forget just how much of society works around the principle of marriage and the enormous legal and financial implications that go along with that event as pointed out above. The need that some have felt to keep marriage as belonging to only one group of people and not the other has created not just inequities but real, honest to goodness tragedy because it has created an invisible barrier that prevents common entrance into mainstream society.

Should any consenting adults ever have to hide their love or not gain access to the many privileges of heterosexual union? It's ridiculous on the face of it. When this barrier gets removed universally it will alter our society significantly. In France they have created other legal approaches to consolidate a union between same sex couples or any couple that wants to establish financial rights and stability. Certainly everyone should have access to those rights and in turn it will insure that everyone gets to have the equal benefits of citizenship.

When my partner and I got married she was already 6 months pregnant. Up to that point marriage was never part of our picture. We had agreed from the get go that our union was one we would stay together in so long as it was good for both of us. That still is our bottom line. But we thought about the idea of having a fun party for friends and created a kind of talent show wedding with good food & drink. We wrote all aspects of the marriage and got a legal document in turn that protects our financial commitment to each other - a really big plus. That made a lot of sense at the time. Not having the same last name though as been one of the biggest headaches ever, especially once you get kids. It seems every social institution is still oriented around the philosophy of the nuclear family where everyone wears the man's name. Basically, our society is slow to progress. The nuclear family barely exists; hardly anyone sits down together as a family for meals and yet we're always on about marriage and family values...

 

[mike]

Marriage is a deep connection two people feel for one and other, and that connection transcends the configuration of our skins be that colour or gender.

Marriage equality was summed up nicely by President Kennedy

"As long as one of us is not free, none of us is free."

 

[Gene Steinberg]

I've done it twice, and the first one ended on a friendly basis. I'm still in favor of the concept, though I realize that dates me.

 

[mike]

There are a number of funny sayings which ive had literally happen. I once had my entire life flash before my eyes, its exactly like it sounds.
I also experienced "love at first sight" to this very day that moment remains fresh in my memory, where we were, what she was wearing how she walked etc etc.
It was like the first experience but in reverse, it was as if i saw my entire future flash before me and she was in every frame. I just knew with total conviction she was the one.

That was 30 years ago, and the relationship goes from strength to strength every year

 

[Skookum]

 

[boomerang]

The short and objective answer is biological instinct. There is a large body of data on human behavior and the brain suggesting that many of our behaviors and decisions originate in unseen neurological processes, after which the self aware "person" having made them (especially when queried) will assign a reasoned or procedural process as responsible. Humans in fact marry for the same reason they are sexually and emotionally attracted in preparation: something "wired" into our brains of which we are consciously aware only as feelings that feel natural. And just as humans are more complex and varied than other animals, so seemingly are our mating and bonding arrangements.

As in so many things, the curse and blessing of the smart monkey is in its over complication of nature. It seems the one thing that sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. It keeps psychologists, big pharma, flower growers, and numerous other ancillary industries in business.

The scientific explanation fails where self-awareness of our deepest emotions is involved. We are here in the realm of the ineffable "why".

 

[Burnt State]

Are you saying love is questionable?

 

[manxman]

Got married the first time cos she had one up the spout.

Got married again cos i was 27 and i liked sex, and all my m8s fancied her.





















And if ya swallow that, yall swallow anything.

 

[manxman]

Serious reply if you want to know why people, you only have to look at their up bringing.


One thing i would bet on, most people who were born into to above average income households, were born to married couples, and will marry in their life.

 

[Rikki]

"you are my bright and shining star" from our 1st date I knew Bob was it, the ONE. Every night he say it every day an affirmation. He is my soul mate. the one I sought for two lives at least. We traveled apart for a long time and finally the lords of Karma have spoken. Marriage was an afterthought . We were MEANT to meet meant to marry meant to have joys and sorrows. I know this when Bob dies I shall soon follow. this is our lives our marriage our love. now and forever.

 

[manxman]

Sheesh Rikki, you should do shampoo commercials, im bald, but i would buy it.

 

[flipper]

As a gay person, I can tell you that married couples in the USA have over 1000 benefits in taxes and social rewards that single people do not get. These same benefits are not given to Domestic Partnerships. I got married to a man because I love him with all my heart, body and soul. We also got married for the practical financial benefits that are shared by married heterosexual couples.

Do you really need to hear horror stories to understand?

How about the case of 2 men who lived together as lovers for 35 years but could not get married. When one became very ill and died, suddenly relatives came out of the woodwork and took everything that could not be traced to the survivor's ownership (sales receipts). When the partner was ill, the survivor had no right to visit him, so he died without saying goodbye to his lover of 35 years. He was also not allowed to go to the funeral held by the dead man's relatives. Because of their bigotry and hate, a 35 year relationship was made null and void. The dying man was not allowed to be comforted in the hospital by his partner, nor to say goodbye. The family even took the corpse back to the Midwest to be buried. The couple had lived 35 years in California. The dying man wanted to be cremated and have his surviving partner scatter the dust in their favorite spot along the ocean. This was ignored because the family would not give any respect to the "evil" relationship.

With marriage, none of this can happen. Heterosexual posters here can be flippant and humorous, but to gay people marriage is a GIGANTIC financial and social right that heterosexuals take for granted. There is nothing funny or flippant about it. Now, I am not going to argue with heterosexuals about how gay people do not need marriage. I don't need to read garbage like that. If YOU do not want to be married, fine. No one is forcing you. But don't you dare try and tell me that unmarried people have all the same financial rewards and rights as married people. That is a lie, plain and simple.

If all things were equal, and there were no societal or legal benefits to getting married would you do it? If so why?

 

[flipper]

I think that marriage has lived so long in the hallowed halls of heterosexuality that we might forget just how much of society works around the principle of marriage and the enormous legal and financial implications that go along with that event as pointed out above. The need that some have felt to keep marriage as belonging to only one group of people and not the other has created not just inequities but real, honest to goodness tragedy because it has created an invisible barrier that prevents common entrance into mainstream society.

Should any consenting adults ever have to hide their love or not gain access to the many privileges of heterosexual union? It's ridiculous on the face of it. When this barrier gets removed universally it will alter our society significantly. In France they have created other legal approaches to consolidate a union between same sex couples or any couple that wants to establish financial rights and stability. Certainly everyone should have access to those rights and in turn it will insure that everyone gets to have the equal benefits of citizenship.

When my partner and I got married she was already 6 months pregnant. Up to that point marriage was never part of our picture. We had agreed from the get go that our union was one we would stay together in so long as it was good for both of us. That still is our bottom line. But we thought about the idea of having a fun party for friends and created a kind of talent show wedding with good food & drink. We wrote all aspects of the marriage and got a legal document in turn that protects our financial commitment to each other - a really big plus. That made a lot of sense at the time. Not having the same last name though as been one of the biggest headaches ever, especially once you get kids. It seems every social institution is still oriented around the philosophy of the nuclear family where everyone wears the man's name. Basically, our society is slow to progress. The nuclear family barely exists; hardly anyone sits down together as a family for meals and yet we're always on about marriage and family values...

Therefore people get married because of our collective past. It could be done away with, should be done away, and is being done away with and no one should miss it?

 

[flipper]

I've done it twice, and the first one ended on a friendly basis. I'm still in favor of the concept, though I realize that dates me.

I think now that if I would probably get married , if I were the same me and I was young again, but I know that I am dated too. I am not sure if there is something else involved.