Why do people get Married?

[Burnt State]

Therefore people get married because of our collective past. It could be done away with, should be done away, and is being done away with and no one should miss it?

sure, you could eliminate such legal unions but the issues of financial compensation, looking after children, dealing with debt, life insurance and who collects etc...we have these legal pieces in place through the marriage union to protect people, at least our society uses the marriage/union concept in order to determine how the expenses will get divided. so until we can establish laws around disbursements of funds and making sure those who deserve their share get it, and those who are supposed to be responsible can live up to their expenses - great. But there's a lot of parents not making child support payments, and a lot of hidden unions that are excluded from the marriage act because of sexuality. until we can overcome those pieces, marriage will continue to have high meaning and big weight in society.

 

[SheaOlmsford]

Sheesh Rikki, you should do shampoo commercials, im bald, but i would buy it.

That was uncalled for. Just because you will not or cannot love is no reason to shit on someone's heartfelt sentiments.

 

[SheaOlmsford]

If all things were equal, and there were no societal or legal benefits to getting married would you do it? If so why?

I would not. But we are living with in a society where marriage is promoted by many financial and social gifts. But without those gifts, I don't need an external source to sanctify or legitimize my relationship.

 

[manxman]

That was uncalled for. Just because you will not or cannot love is no reason to shit on someone's heartfelt sentiments.

Get a grip ffs, since when is complimenting a woman on her seductiveness shitting on her heartfelt sentiments, the woman sounds like she could sell ice cream to eskimos

 

[boomerang]

Are you saying love is questionable?

No. Only that it exists in its pure form only in the realm of the inner subjective and is evident to the objective world only by way of actions taken on its behalf. And even these are always open to subjective interpretation.

Like the old Joni Mitchell song says: "It all comes down to you......."

 

[Bob Watson]

My wife speaks for bolth of us I have loved her since we met. Our love is unquestioned. It is remarkable after years of marriage 4 kids and the loss of bolth our parents that our relationship is stronger now laugh and scoff as you wish it is true.

 

[Burnt State]

the woman sounds like she could sell ice cream to eskimos

you mean the Innuit, right? Or perhaps the Dene or Yuptik? To continue our other conversation from the other thread "eskimo" is a prejorative here in Canada, and is a good example of what we were talking about in the Death of Comments thread.

And to show that I have worked on my own cross cultural understanding of Manx I totally understood that you were complimenting Rikki, but that might not be evident to everyone who does not understand Manxian.

 

[Burnt State]

No. Only that it exists in its pure form only in the realm of the inner subjective and is evident to the objective world only by way of actions taken on its behalf. And even these are always open to subjective interpretation.

Like the old Joni Mitchell song says: "It all comes down to you......."

Just how inner is that subjectivity? Do you not think that we can actually know the love of another person, or is that just guesswork on our behalf confirmed by our expectations, familiar rhythms, repeated and frequent gestures?

 

[SheaOlmsford]

you mean the Innuit, right? Or perhaps the Dene or Yuptik? To continue our other conversation from the other thread "eskimo" is a prejorative here in Canada, and is a good example of what we were talking about in the Death of Comments thread.

And to show that I have worked on my own cross cultural understanding of Manx I totally understood that you were complimenting Rikki, but that might not be evident to everyone who does not understand Manxian.

Thank you. I thought Rikki was being scorned and mocked. This just illustrates how difficult it can be to understand intent with just the written word when supposedly about 75% of our communication is non-verbal. I did not expect such hostility, but that was naive of me. No more chivalrous acts on my part on the forum, I promise.

 

[boomerang]

Just how inner is that subjectivity? Do you not think that we can actually know the love of another person, or is that just guesswork on our behalf confirmed by our expectations, familiar rhythms, repeated and frequent gestures?

That's a profound question that seems to ask whether knowing the feeling of love is wholly dependent on information processed solely through our senses, or involves something more ineffable and mysterious. Although interpersonal relationships must, by virtue of their unique complexity involving exchange of information (and emotion) in real time and otherwise, be in a class unmatched by other types of interaction. Perhaps this uniqueness, without invoking things more esoteric, imbues a quality all its own not found elsewhere in nature. I would like to think so. Recall that we started with an attempt to objectively explain the institution of human marriage. This is not difficult from a strictly socio-biological standpoint. Explaining self-conscious feelings intertwined with this however, brings us back to a search for "the ghost in the machine", a near impossible task and especially frustrating since that ghost is us !

I see no mystical deflation in love conceived as a process acquired through human sensory interaction. All human emotions seem to have physiological underpinnings, but remain quite real. The physical universe seems to resonate in ways that qualify as mystical, including the unique resonance between sentient minds.

 

[manxman]

We arent the only biological creatures that get love sick boomerang, i mean we will have all been there, sick in the stomach feelings.

I dont just mean attraction for mating, wham bam thank you mam, and raise my offspring well.

There are some that pair up for life.

 

[Burnt State]

I'm going to print and frame up those two posts up above as they seem to equal in measure between eloquence and pragmatic reality. The desire to pair up for life has a fleeting quality to it though as mortality is something running through my head lately as I watch grandparents, parents and my parents friends die one by one. To watch those paired relationships I grew up around dissolve, fracture and break for good is powerful and sobering. To some extent I fear it - at least i fear loneliness, both mine or hers. My grandfather died when he was 92 and my grandmother is currently 99. For all the berating she did of that man I was touched by how his absence affected her so deeply. In the days following his death she was alone in the big yellow house at the end of my childhood street and she claimed that he came back to her one morning by her windowsill in the form of a white bird. I can't really think of what white bird it could have been beyond a seagull (which only reminded me of feeding gulls with her when I was only about three or four and we would bring bread crumbs in a pan to a field across the street and train tracks where her first home was).

And then the next day after, my grandmother complained of a ghost showing up at her lonely house, an old woman apparently was at the side door and came in and she told the ghost off in the middle of the night. My grandfather had also seen a ghost back in Poland while driving a horse and cart through the woods late one night. By the side of a pond where a young girl had recently drown was the ghost of that girl beckoning him to come to the water to which he refused and whipped his horse in gear. I know none of these things are connected except as the ghost of love in the machine of my mind. Their century long life, whose relationship added up to about 65 years of time together and one world war has these very specific stories that sit in my head. I remember how they walked hand in hand by the boardwalk when it was their 60th wedding anniversary. I had never ever seen them hold hands before that moment. I doubt i'll forget it.

 

[flipper]

I'm going to print and frame up those two posts up above as they seem to equal in measure between eloquence and pragmatic reality. The desire to pair up for life has a fleeting quality to it though as mortality is something running through my head lately as I watch grandparents, parents and my parents friends die one by one. To watch those paired relationships I grew up around dissolve, fracture and break for good is powerful and sobering. To some extent I fear it - at least i fear loneliness, both mine or hers. My grandfather died when he was 92 and my grandmother is currently 99. For all the berating she did of that man I was touched by how his absence affected her so deeply. In the days following his death she was alone in the big yellow house at the end of my childhood street and she claimed that he came back to her one morning by her windowsill in the form of a white bird. I can't really think of what white bird it could have been beyond a seagull (which only reminded me of feeding gulls with her when I was only about three or four and we would bring bread crumbs in a pan to a field across the street and train tracks where her first home was).

And then the next day after, my grandmother complained of a ghost showing up at her lonely house, an old woman apparently was at the side door and came in and she told the ghost off in the middle of the night. My grandfather had also seen a ghost back in Poland while driving a horse and cart through the woods late one night. By the side of a pond where a young girl had recently drown was the ghost of that girl beckoning him to come to the water to which he refused and whipped his horse in gear. I know none of these things are connected except as the ghost of love in the machine of my mind. Their century long life, whose relationship added up to about 65 years of time together and one world war has these very specific stories that sit in my head. I remember how they walked hand in hand by the boardwalk when it was their 60th wedding anniversary. I had never ever seen them hold hands before that moment. I doubt i'll forget it.

My aunt told me the story of my grandmother's death. My grandfather had died and now it was time for my grandmother to make her passing. They had lived a long happy life together. My grandmother was unconscious. She suddenly opened up her eyes and then her eyes moved around the room like they were following someone. She said "Oh it's you "(using her pet name for my grandfather) and died.

 

[boomerang]

We arent the only biological creatures that get love sick boomerang, i mean we will have all been there, sick in the stomach feelings.

I dont just mean attraction for mating, wham bam thank you mam, and raise my offspring well.

There are some that pair up for life.

So true. The best things in life are often empty without someone to share them with.

 

[boomerang]

I'm going to print and frame up those two posts up above as they seem to equal in measure between eloquence and pragmatic reality. The desire to pair up for life has a fleeting quality to it though as mortality is something running through my head lately as I watch grandparents, parents and my parents friends die one by one. To watch those paired relationships I grew up around dissolve, fracture and break for good is powerful and sobering. To some extent I fear it - at least i fear loneliness, both mine or hers. My grandfather died when he was 92 and my grandmother is currently 99. For all the berating she did of that man I was touched by how his absence affected her so deeply. In the days following his death she was alone in the big yellow house at the end of my childhood street and she claimed that he came back to her one morning by her windowsill in the form of a white bird. I can't really think of what white bird it could have been beyond a seagull (which only reminded me of feeding gulls with her when I was only about three or four and we would bring bread crumbs in a pan to a field across the street and train tracks where her first home was).

And then the next day after, my grandmother complained of a ghost showing up at her lonely house, an old woman apparently was at the side door and came in and she told the ghost off in the middle of the night. My grandfather had also seen a ghost back in Poland while driving a horse and cart through the woods late one night. By the side of a pond where a young girl had recently drown was the ghost of that girl beckoning him to come to the water to which he refused and whipped his horse in gear. I know none of these things are connected except as the ghost of love in the machine of my mind. Their century long life, whose relationship added up to about 65 years of time together and one world war has these very specific stories that sit in my head. I remember how they walked hand in hand by the boardwalk when it was their 60th wedding anniversary. I had never ever seen them hold hands before that moment. I doubt i'll forget it.

Thanks for sharing. There's a saying, I don't know from whom, that goes something like: "The biggest surprise in anyone's life is old age".

A recurrent paradox is that those loved ones in our lives from which we may have felt the most alienated are often the ones whose absence troubles us the most. As for sightings of the deceased, six decades of life has shaken me out of logical complacency that it cannot be true.

I once lived near a busy interstate highway. I was awakened in the wee hours of the morning by the sound of screeching of tires followed by a crash. Immediately in my mind was a image of a flock of birds taking flight and I knew someone had died. According to the news the following day, a woman had crashed her car and did not survive. Coincidence perhaps. But it didn't seem so.

 

[manxman]

you mean the Innuit, right? Or perhaps the Dene or Yuptik? To continue our other conversation from the other thread "eskimo" is a prejorative here in Canada, and is a good example of what we were talking about in the Death of Comments thread.

And to show that I have worked on my own cross cultural understanding of Manx I totally understood that you were complimenting Rikki, but that might not be evident to everyone who does not understand Manxian.

Yes thats a perfect example of same language cross border different connotation.
And i wouldnt have guessed in million years.

 

[Randall]