For Pete's sake - you've got to be kidding me!
Try figuring it out for yourself, ufology. I've left a breadcrumb trail. The answer is there - but you can't 'hear' it, because as you yourself admitted, you're not about understanding anything that you are afraid of. Your ears are closed. Your mind is closed. If after everything I've said you can't connect the dots, what is one to say more? It's like teaching math - some people honestly believe that one learns math from a teacher. One doesn't. One rises to the concepts by an internal act of apprehension.
I know you are fond of definitions so I just googled one up for you:
apprehension -
the faculty or act of apprehending, especially intuitive understanding; perception on a direct and immediate level.
It is by acts of apprehension that higher thinking advances.
To say one more time: this is not about words or convincing anyone of anything. It's about personal experience. Give it a go. It's not an intellectual game of beliefs. It's about traveling down that road where there are no authorities to consult or rail against. No excuses. You must do it on your own.
Unless this is a game - is it fun? For sure there is an active and very vocal posting group here who hold very strongly to their anti-religious views - or anti-spiritual views - or anti-whatever it is that is going on. [I am not a stand-in for every religious/spiritual/alternative thinker you have ever come across or been raised with.] It's as though buzzing around someone who advocates a particular-seemingly-similar paradigm to-one-you-encountered-before can be 'beaten back' by incessant heckling. Is the buzzing fun? Does it work? Do you learn anything from this behavior? Because you know what they say about doing the same thing over-and-over expecting different results......
Instead of a free-flowing discourse on all matter of possibilities here - one finds a very dogmatic this-is-the-way-it-is-not. Fascinating for sure to find such on such a chat site but very disappointing, too. I can bet that many people who find their way here decide it's not worth it to spend precious time posting their hard-won perspectives only to be called a 'your ilk' - which I have been and when I asked what that meant, I was never answered. Or to have pretty decently written prose called gobble-dee-gook. So there you go. I do know when to quit - when my time is being wasted.
Anyway, good luck to you. One day maybe you'll make the decision to start learning about this world - rather than the one that you believe is there. I can promise you that taking the route of penetrating the real world - in all it's variations and levels - is the greatest adventure there is. IMO, of course.